


The Biting Silence

by alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Angst, Lemon, M/M, Out of Character, POV Heero Yuy, Sappy, Yaoi, post war-ness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-13
Updated: 2013-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 23:17:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13962213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist/pseuds/alittlepieceofgundamwing_archivist
Summary: by Nazarri Blue--So now what do I do? How can I make things right again? I am not sure what I did wrong. What did I do to make my friends turn away from me?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

Sometimes I wonder if anyone sees me.   
  
I know that they don't see me now as I walk through the room, toward the sounds of my friends. Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, Zechs, and several of the members of the large household are gathered around the theatre size vid screen. Rolls of laughter carried through the room as something amusing happened in the movie that they are watching.   
  
My heart feels the warmth of the laughter that they are sharing, but it has an empty feel to it because I am not included. I am on the outside again. Not that I was ever really a part of things, but I used to feel welcome and at ease. But that time has passed and I long for someone to reach out to me. If only someone would want to talk to me, to be my friend again.  
  
It sounds even pitiful to myself, when did I become so weak and needy? Why was their approval so important? I lived for years without human affection or attention. I guess having spent so much time here that I have found that I needed it more than I was willing to admit to myself.  
  
So now what do I do? How can I make things right again? I am not sure what I did wrong. What did I do to make my friends turn away from me?  
  
I walk forward with my simple offering in my hand.  
  
It is a bonsai that I have been working on for a while. It is a lovely piece of life with air roots and tiny white flowers. I even included a moss covered decorative rock. It took me a long time to find just the right pot for it.   
  
Things had not been right for a while and I wanted to do something for my friends, to find a way to reach out.  
  
Why did I feel so childish?  
  
The laughter starts again. They are having such a good time. I wonder if they even realize that I am not there too? Does it occur to them? Am I so horrid that no one wants to be around me?  
  
I suddenly realize that it wasn't childish. It hurts to lose friends, especially if they are the only ones that you have.   
  
As I stand there to the side, listening to the laughter and watching my friends enjoy each other's company, I come to a conclusion. With all the merriment around me, I am enclosed in a biting silence that pierces my heart. There is a gaping emotional wound in my chest and my friends laugh away as if I am not here.  
  
Maybe I have become invisible to them.   
  
Since they are enjoying their movie, I rethink showing them my gift. It would be inappropriate to want their attention when they are so obviously involved in their movie. Perhaps it would be better to show them the bonsai in the morning at breakfast.  
  
I sigh and turn around to head back to my room. "Good Night." I purposefully say the words loud enough to be heard, but no one answers me. Fighting to hold back a deep consuming wave of self-pity, I leave.  
  
Not that I want to be center of attention or have the world at my feet. That would make me feel very uncomfortable. And having a stranger approach me makes me very weary, although it doesn't happen much anymore. My role in this peace has long been forgotten.  
  
But I have been here for so long, I thought people would know me by now, that I was part of the family. Maybe I have been here too long. Perhaps I have overstayed my welcome. Social graces have never been my forte, so I wouldn't really know what to look for if that were the case. Besides, Quatre had said that our arrangement was a permanent one.   
  
I hope that he hadn't come to regret his decision.  
  
Quatre was kind enough to extend an invitation for all of us to stay with him after the wars. I gratefully took him up on his offer. I really had nowhere or any one to turn to.  
  
Of course, Trowa was here as well, he shares a room with Quatre. I understand why, although such feelings are foreign to me. But I fully accept them, I am their friend and I love them. I want their happiness and nothing to destroy that.  
  
My rooms are very nice. I have a nice outer room that I use for a living room and a bedroom beyond that. My private bath is also my closet; it is a bizarre but fully functional design. At the end of my bedroom, I have huge balcony that overlooks the Japanese garden below. Much to my pleasure, my balcony has a staircase to the ground below.   
  
I cross the gardens on the way back to my room. My mind is full of questions and my heart feels crushed. I pick up my pace hoping to jog the pain from my body. But the dirt from the bonsai threatens to spill, so I slow back down.   
  
Why? How did this happen? Everything seemed so fine at first.  
  
Trowa and Quatre were exceptional hosts. They went to the movies, played traditional board games, and shared meals. It was the first time that I could remember truly laughing or smiling.   
  
But they were a couple and they deserved to have private time, so I found a hobby. Bonsai. My balcony is covered with several potted trees, my obsession proudly displayed to the entire household.   
  
Wufei showed up a few weeks after I did. We seemed to get along fairly well. It was fun to have someone with intelligence to speak with. He would come up to my balcony and we would talk for hours as I potted, trimmed, and fed my little trees.  
  
I found Wufei to be full of insightful concepts and to be very well read. He had confided in me about his childhood, that he had been a scholar and married. I loved to listen to him speak of his family and the traditions of his culture.   
  
I never had these things growing up. I was merely a weapon, nothing more to anyone that I was handed off to. I never had family, only keepers. Somehow I knew that it wasn't right, I was a child with a child's needs, but I was forced to put that aside. Perfect Weapons do not cry when lonely or sad. They had no need of human comfort; no one would hug me or care if I had emotional needs. I never felt like anyone really cared about me, only what I could do.  
  
That is why my fellow pilots are so important to me.  
  
So Wufei and I became friends. It was an enjoyable experience for both of us. I looked forward to his visits to my balcony. Sometimes, we would even share afternoon tea with Trowa and Quatre. Those were the best days, filled with friendship and happiness.  
  
Then Zechs arrived.   
  
I think that it was then that things started to change.   
  
One day Wufei hadn't come to my balcony and I casually went looking for him since I knew that Trowa and Quatre were busy in their room.   
  
I found Wufei and Zechs in the middle of swordplay on the far side of the garden. Both of them were stripped down to nothing but their loose pants. I watched them challenge each other and engage each other in very rough play. Sweat rolled down their chests and backs over their taut muscles.  
  
I have no idea how long I just watched them. Of course, neither one noticed me. Suddenly, I felt as if I was intruding upon something intimate, as strange as that sounds.   
  
Wufei never visited me again after that. I tried to keep up appearances, but I felt like an outsider in my own home.   
  
I went back to my balcony and my bonsai.  
  
So began the biting silence.  
  
No one came to my room, not even to visit. I saw my friends at mealtimes; the conversations were always lively and fun. But I found myself being excluded more and more. I soon found that whatever I said seemed to disappear into the air. It was as if I had said nothing at all. Quatre's sisters would greet me sometimes, especially if they had been out of the house for a few months.   
  
I felt like furniture. I was nothing more than an object, just like when I was young.   
  
Trowa, Quatre, Wufei and Zechs would talk about things that they had done, things that I knew nothing about. I would watch and wonder if they realized that I was still sitting at the table. Did they care?  
  
I doubt seriously if any of them truly understood my need for them, for their company and acceptance. When I came across my fellow pilots during the war, I started to understand surface levels of friendship and loyalty. They taught me so much that I didn't get from my trainers. Even if it was war, these feelings opened a whole new world to me. I spent time with each of them individually and I treasured such times, even if it wasn't the best of circumstances. They each had an endearing gift that I found to be nothing less than precious to me.   
  
Now, it seems, I have lost it all. I want to die and stop the miserable silence from eating me alive.  
  
I wonder now if any of them understand how much they mean to me. I was not taught to show expressions of any kind, so maybe it is my fault. Perhaps my clumsy gestures and overtures of friendship were not understood.   
  
As I finally reach my balcony, my sanctuary of bonsai, the silence around me becomes more real. I am consumed by it. The small potted trees around me are my only friends. I wish that they could speak. At least it would be someone to talk to.  
  
I carefully put down the little white-flowered tree. It hurt to even look at it now. With the way things had been going, most likely, they wouldn't even acknowledge what I had done for them.   
  
Maybe it is time for me to go ... before this biting silence kills me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by Nazarri Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).
> 
> There is, within the depth of every soul, a call, an eternal pull toward the unspoken needs. To deny this bidding can be painful to not only yourself, but to the one with whom you share your soul.  
> Heero's POV A Spiritual Moment of Truth .

_Love hath a language of its own_  
 _A voice that goes_  
 _From heart to heart - whose mystic tone_  
 _Love only knows_  
\- Persian love poem

Morning brings no light to my heart. I know that today is a day of change; I can feel it so deeply that I do not doubt myself.  
  
The encroaching darkness upon my world feels ominous and consuming. My heart sinks as I pick up the white-flowered tree and head toward the dining room for breakfast. The last of my hopes are based upon this morning's meal. It was a difficult decision, but something must change for I no longer wish to feel so isolated in a home full of people.  
  
As I walk, I find myself hoping that I am wrong about everything. I don't want to be invisible to my friends; I need them. If only someone would reach out and take just a moment to be with me. My heart feels so cold and empty, just like my life. I am nothing to anyone, who would want to be with someone like me? I am socially inept and utterly lost in a world that I am not trained to fully deal with.  
  
But it is stupid to expect friends or anyone to fulfill your personal needs. If you can't do it, how can you possibly expect anyone else to do it for you?  
  
Entering through the patio doors, I walk around the crowded table toward my seat. As usual, Trowa and Quatre sit side by side at the head of the table. Wufei and Zechs sit on the right. I walk around to the left side, taking my regular seat on Trowa's other side.  
  
Placing the potted tree on the table, a certain resignation washes over me.   
  
Trowa nodded as he buttered his toast. I know that he is acknowledging my presence, but I had hoped that he would make eye contact with me.   
  
Quatre looked at the bonsai and smiled. He opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but one of his sisters demanded his immediate attention. That is the end of that.  
  
I look over at Wufei, he seems intensely interested in his food, and this is obviously a distraction. My mind starts to wonder what is going on across the table, although I doubt that I really want to know. Zechs is reading something, his eyes seemingly following words. But both of his hands are below the table. I may be naïve but I am not stupid.  
  
I stare at my empty plate. Food doesn't interest me right now, nothing does. I am nothing; I deserve nothing so no wonder I have faded away from the world.

My despair has graduated to acceptance and resignation. My friends will never see me as they see each other, as lovers and couples. I am Heero, alone, lover to no one.   
  
I could go to my room and stay there until I starved to death, would anyone notice? Not likely. Perhaps the smell of my rotting flesh would bring visitors to my room. It would actually be humorous if it weren't sadly true.  
  
But this seems to sum it all up. They have formed alliances and in a sense, strongholds. I am simply not a part of that. I may be their friend and they know that I exist, but I am a fixture in their lives and nothing more. I am not wanted.  
  
As I stare at my empty plate, I contemplate the various ways that I can end my existence. Leaving and heading out into the real world wasn't a safe idea for anyone, including myself. I tend to get frustrated by people who don't understand or outright ignore my methods of communication. Sometimes I express my anger with a gun and or a death threat, Duo says that I shouldn't do that.  
  
Duo.  
  
Why did Duo come to mind? Why now? Why did my body suddenly feel a spark of life from within?  
  
As I ponder this, my consciousness is touched by the rhythmic jingle of distant bells. A barely discernable ring, a tinkle of a bell, perhaps two, touches my desolate world.   
  
It is steadily getting closer. No one else seems to notice.   
  
Tingling warmth washes through me.

The rhythm of the jingle sounds bold and measured by body motion, as if the bells are coming for me. Somehow, I know.  
  
The sound of the bells has stopped.   
  
He is here.  
  
In the hall, I can only see his silhouette for the lack of any lighting. His violet eyes seem to glow, piercing the darkness to look straight into mine. His gaze penetrates me to the very core of my soul. I feel his very essence as it mingles with my own. My awareness senses our needs, our wants, and our eternal oneness.   
  
I cease to breathe; my entire being is paralyzed with comprehension. Everything about my life is about to change.   
  
The biting silence is about to be shattered into a million pieces.  
  
He slowly steps into the light of the dining room, presenting me with a wicked grin, teasing me with my first view of Duo Maxwell in almost a year.   
  
To say that my Duo is beautiful is simply a generality used to try to put words to a concept that can't be described. He is so much more than that. Duo is strength personified, inside and out. He is small in form and gracefully toned; but as he enters the room, he is larger than life.   
  
Duo rules any room that he occupies. I have seen it happen so many times. That doesn't mean that he can't hide, because when he does, you will never know that he is there. But he is such an intense presence; he couldn't help but to be the center of attention.  
  
So there he stands, leaning idly against the doorframe to the dining room as if his unusual garments are everyday wear.   
  
The din of the room suddenly falls to silence as the household beholds the sight that my mind and heart cherish.  
  
A short leather tunic of charcoal gray and amethyst leather hide graces his torso. On the shoulders, Celtic designs are tooled into the hard leather. The top stops just below his waist.   
  
Outrageous dark gray and purple leggings leave absolutely nothing to the imagination, they sensuously mold over every tight muscle of his ass and thighs. Knee-height soft leather boots of matching colors encase his lower legs.  
  
His hair falls loose and free, hanging almost to his knees. The sumptuous chestnut silk is drawn away from his face by an elaborate system of small braids intertwined with leather decorative pieces.  
  
He is a tantalizing vision.  
  
But what draws the attention of everyone in the room is the scandalous codpiece planted blatantly over his crotch. The bright purple leather piece is adorned with numerous tiny bells, announcing the presence of Duo and his cock everywhere he went.  
  
I cannot help but stare like the rest of the room's occupants.   
  
And there he is, his eyes never to be drawn away from me, shaking the very foundation of my soul.  
  
Duo Maxwell has arrived.   
  
He has come for me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by Nazarri Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

_See me, Feel me, Touch me, heal me._  
\- The Who "Tommy"  
  
"Um . Duo. That's an interesting outfit." Quatre pointed out diplomatically.  
  
"Nice, isn't it?" Duo snickered. His eyes are still trained on me as he lightly runs his fingertips over the leather codpiece. "Indulge the bulge, I always say." (1)  
  
Quatre's sisters burst out into girlish giggles as Zechs chokes on whatever he is trying to swallow. Wufei glares at Duo while Quatre and Trowa just continue eating.   
  
Duo seems to notice none of this. He pushes himself from the doorframe and stalks around the table, toward me. His eyes never break from mine. It is the strangest sensation, one that I hadn't felt in a long time. I was not being looked at; no, I was actually being seen. It isn't just a matter of feeling whole, but to feel solid and real. This is what Duo brought to my life.   
  
But I had pushed him away with my silence.  
  
After the wars when Quatre asked us to come live with him, I was exceptionally grateful since I had nowhere to go. I had assumed that Duo would be there too. But he left, looking back at me with a question in his eyes that I couldn't answer.  
  
I hadn't known how to ask him to stay.   
  
The emptiness that I felt over his absence was far more painful than I had expected. So I did what the perfect soldier would naturally do, I shut it away. Duo and all my feelings that revolved around him was put in a mental lock box, not to be touched or seen.  
  
I have been so stupid.  
  
Was it possible that I hadn't swept Duo from my thoughts at all? Could my underlying pain be the knowing ache in my heart? Was the biting silence a blatant yet subconscious reminder of my own silence when confronted with having to deal with my feelings and need for Duo?  
  
I stand to face him; his name escapes my lips. "Duo."  
  
He doesn't hesitate or stop, he simply pulls me into his embrace and holds me tight. My face is buried in his hair, he smells of leather, earth, and just plain Duo. "Of course it's me." He whispers into my ear. "Who else would come across space dressed like this just to give you a hug?"   
  
I smile, despite myself. "Only You." Truer words were never said.   
  
He kisses my neck before releasing his hold on me and taking the empty seat beside my own.   
  
My entire being is momentarily stunned to inaction. Duo Maxwell kissed me. Perhaps it isn't as intimate as a kiss on the lips, I wouldn't know.   
  
Nonetheless, it is a kiss.  
  
I slowly turn to look at him in the next chair. I stare at his face; my mind is in shock. He looks up at me. I must have the most incredulous expression on my face because I can see the effort that he is expending to not giggle at me.   
  
The smirk that Duo is wearing tells me that he is very pleased with himself. He kissed me and no one else saw it, our little secret. He pats my chair cushion with his hand. "Come on, Heero, sit."  
  
Of its own accord, my damned body immediately follows his orders; I am sitting before my mind can process his words.   
  
I hear muffled snickers around me; my eyes drop to back to my empty plate. First I am invisible, now I am a joke. Dying would be such a pleasant experience right now. I am worse than nothing.  
  
The damped noises suddenly turned silent. I hesitantly look up to see what has happened.   
  
All eyes are on an extremely angry looking Duo; a very clear non-verbal message of "back-off" is written all over his face.  
  
Without a care as to who is watching, Duo moves his chair until it is touching mine. His hand reaches under the table and guides my leg closest to him to drape over his own. I feel him pat my knee to let me know to leave it there if I am comfortable with that.  
  
I am, very comfortable.  
  
My heart warms. This is how it is been between Duo and I, an unspoken declaration. He loves to touch me and I love to feel his contact. I need it; I suspect that he does too.  
  
Most people do not understand about Duo and I, but that is a fine, we do not have to explain us to anyone. As Duo would say, "Fuck them." We understood each other and that was enough.   
  
So many would have us with others, their twisted minds think that they know what is best for Duo and I. But those are their desires, not ours. The arrogance of such people is astounding. Duo and I are mated through the soul; a million lives together or apart changes nothing to that fact.  
  
We were never intimate during the war, but we always knew that we belonged to each other. There was never any doubt. Partners from the very beginning, anyone with sense could see this.   
  
The world is right when we are together.  
  
But I had not given him a reason to stay with me. He left, looking back at me with sadness. Deep down I knew that it wouldn't have taken much to keep him with me, but I am so inept and didn't know what to say or do. I am a horrible person.  
  
Quatre tries his best to be the great host that he is. "So, Duo, where have you been?"  
  
Duo's face relaxes as he smiles warmly at his friend. "Oh Quatre, just around. You know, traveling in the Renaissance Festival circuit. We went all over space and Earth."  
  
Trowa remarks to Quatre, "That explains the clothing."  
  
"I would sing and tell stories and people would drop money in my hat." A servant brings Duo a place setting. "Hey thanks, I'm starving." I watch his eyes move over the table, taking in all of the food choices. Breakfast was always large and generous since most of the household only eats two meals a day.   
  
Moving so quickly that people hardly noticed, Duo loaded up his plate at the same time that he was placing bits and pieces on mine as well. Of course, Duo would notice my empty plate.  
  
Duo's eyes were quickly drawn to the bonsai on the table in front of me. I watch his eyes taking in every little minute detail. "Oh my God, that is beautiful."  
  
"Heero did it." Quatre quickly speaks up. His smile grows big as he reaches for Trowa's hand.  
  
Duo looks at me with those perfect eyes; I can see that he is somehow pleased.   
  
"You did? Do you know what kind it is?"  
  
I simply nod. "It's a Serissa foetida; they call it the Tree of a Thousand Stars."  
  
"I can see why, these little white flowers look like tiny stars." He leans forward to get a closer view; I am thrilled that he sees the beauty in it that I do. "Heero, this is amazing." Duo's voice expresses a sense of awe that gives me a feeling of appreciation.  
  
The tree's purpose comes to mind and I understand what I should do with it. I push it lightly so that it is in front of his plate. "Duo, I would like for you to have it."  
  
I am certain that he doesn't understand what the symbolism is, but it means to world to me that he has expressed any interest in my life, in me. Duo's expression turned to slight apprehension. "Oh Heero, I couldn't. I would kill it."   
  
As naturally as breathing, I place my hand over his. He laces his fingers through mine. "I will show you how to care for it. Please accept my gift, it would mean so much to me. Please."  
  
"Thank you Heero. It is an honor that you would trust me with something so special." He looks me straight in the eye; I think that he might understand, just a little.   
  
We begin to eat, neither of us moving our joined hands.  
  
The biting silence is no more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (1) "Indulge the Bulge" is a slogan used by the Codpiece International. I just thought that it was cute; it wasn't my idea.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> by Nazarri Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Dacia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [A Little Piece of Gundam Wing](https://fanlore.org/wiki/A_Little_Piece_Of_Gundam_Wing), which closed in 2017. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after July 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [a little piece of gundam wing collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/alittlepieceofgundamwing/profile).

"I can't believe that you did all of this!" Duo declares as we walk up the stairs toward my balcony. He turns to look at me with his bright beautiful eyes.   
  
I have worked hard and I am aware that it looks good. It isn't a matter of vanity. I am fully aware that I did not create the tree; that is beyond me. But I have helped it see life and live. I have nourished each one and given love and attention.   
  
Each plant is in a handcrafted pot. Every tree is in a meticulously created scene; some even have tiny streams with clay fisherman sitting on the banks or bridges. The pots are displayed upon intricately carved wooden pillar tables. I have spent so much of my time and given of myself, someone has finally noticed.   
  
My eyes watch as Duo moves around my balcony, clutching the bonsai gift that I have given him. He stops at each potted tree and finds something kind to say about each one. I know that he isn't that interested, but it is so thoughtful to take a moment to do something nice for another human being.  
  
Duo gently places my gift on the wrought iron table. It warms me to see how he treats the little tree with white flowers, as if it were precious to him.  
  
A slight smile graces my face. Duo has noticed, not only me but my work too. He is a true friend. I will be forever grateful that his is a part of my life. I carry his things inside hoping that he will follow. For some reason, I want him in my rooms.  
  
"Hey Heero," he follows me through the door and takes his bags from my hand. "Are you sure you don't mind me staying with you? I know Quatre said that there were no other rooms, but I can find someplace if you are uncomfortable."  
  
Naughty Quatre, I know that there are plenty of extra rooms for Duo to stay in. "Here, with me, is fine." I know that my voice is even and calm, but my heart wants to scream with utter joy. Duo is standing in my room.  
  
He flops backward onto the bed. I watch him stare at the ceiling, seemingly lost in a thought. My eyes wander over him, memorizing each strand of flyaway hair and leather stitch. They come to a stop as they reach the gaudy codpiece.  
  
I wonder.   
  
Much to my dismay, I am having a very human response toward this incredible male and his decorated crotch. An immense burning ache spreads from the base of my spine bursts upward and outward, rampaging through my veins. My body shudders.  
  
Detecting the slightest movement, I look to Duo's eyes and realize that I have been caught staring at his... bells.  
  
He doesn't seem in the least bit bothered by this. In fact, he shows little outward emotion, which is strange for him. "So Heero, you want to talk about it?"  
  
Nope.  
  
It is such an open-ended question. It could mean anything from why are you staring at my cock and why are you sporting a stiffy to why are you still standing up in your own bedroom?   
  
My mind flies through the numerous possibilities as I watch him watching me. Duo looks back up at the ceiling, "Well let me help you out. I'm going to tell you about this dream I had last night."  
  
I sit down next to him, watching his lips as he speaks.  
  
"I went to sleep, thinking of you, as always. My mind slips quickly into this dream. I am wandering through a forest. There is a pain in my chest that I can't explain, but I know the answer is in the trees. I become more and more frantic because I know that something bad is going to happen. I run as fast as I can, afraid that I am too late. Then I come to an empty place. It isn't like the rest of the forest because all the trees are tiny. You, Heero, are standing in the middle. I watch helplessly as you try to kill yourself over and over again. I am screaming for you to stop, but you don't hear me. I try to reach you, but there is an invisible shield around you. I can see that you are upset and alone, but I am not in there to help you."  
  
Duo looks over at me again, his eyes reflect the concern and worry that I hear in his voice. "I got up right away and took the first shuttle here, wearing the only clothes that were within reach. You have no idea how scared I was." He sat up, "My dream is right, though, isn't it? You are trying to self-destruct again. For God's sake Heero, you didn't even have any food on your plate at breakfast! When was the last time you ate a full meal or gotten a proper nights sleep?"  
  
I look away, down at the floor, how could his dream be so accurate? Oh yes, we are connected through the soul. What I do to myself, I do to him. It is such a vulnerable feeling. It is one thing to think about killing yourself; it is a whole different story when your soulmate knows. The one person who will stop you, even at the expense of his own life. I have really screwed up.  
  
He sighs at my lack of response and begins the task of untying his boots. "Alright, Mr. Yuy, I am going to get a shower. I want you to rest, maybe even take a nap and then we will talk about this."  
  
I feel defeated, raw, and totally exposed. Somehow, I know that I have made him sad. He is disappointed in the both of us.   
  
"I'm sorry." The words are little more than a whisper from my lips. "I just . I don't know what I have done wrong."  
  
Duo draws in a long breath. "Well, why don't you tell me what has been going on around here and maybe we can figure this out together. Just say what comes to you, I won't laugh or anything."  
  
The silence is deafening as I struggle to articulate my feels. But he waits patiently, watching my every movement. "I am invisible. This house is full of people and no one sees me. My words are lost and fade into thin air. My greetings, comments, and observations go unnoticed. Even my friends don't seem to notice, I am in pain and I need them!"   
  
He gently reaches over and strokes the back of my hand. "They are pretty focused on each other, but that is normal. You know, with them being in love and all. I know that none of them would purposely ignore you; they are good people. Depression has a terrible way of making people feel helpless and alone. I'll talk to them, okay? I am sure that this is a lack of understanding. They really do care about you and love you, too."   
  
I feel the pain and anger that has crushed my heart over and over again. "I am standing right here. I am out on that balcony with my trees and no one sees me. Even in creating beauty, it isn't good enough to notice! Quatre and Trowa compose beautiful music; Wufei and Zechs are stunning with their sword work, they are all amazing. What I do and what I am means nothing. I am not good enough. Nothing I do is."  
  
"Oh Heero." Duo's arms rap around me tightly. I hate the grief and pity in his voice. But I have just made such a fool out of myself; my words sound so childish, no wonder he feels sorry for me. "That's not true! You are wonderful and your trees are so beautiful, they really are. And so are you. Gods, but you are the most precious thing in the world to me. It kills me to see you like this."  
  
My comfort is found in the crook of his neck. His scent fills me with warmth. The fall of his silken tresses over my face give me a reason to feel again. His hand gently stroking my back gives me a sense of being understood. This is my home.   
  
But a long forgotten question makes its presence known. My heart now knowing why these things hurt me so bad.   
  
"Then why did you leave me?"  
  
I feel his grip on me tighten in response. A part of me really didn't want to know the answer to my question, but my heart was dying to know. Literally. He is quiet for a moment. Fear runs its cold fingers over my skin. I know that I am shaking in his embrace.  
  
"You listen to me, Heero Yuy, I never meant for you to think that I left you. I would never do that and I can't believe after all that we have been through that such a thought ever crossed your mind." His warm voice and words instantly calms me. I rest my cheek on his shoulder, allowing my lips to tease his neck. "That will never happen. I only felt like you needed room to discover your own wants and needs without me hanging around all the time."  
  
"I don't understand." And that is the truth; he is confusing the hell out of me. Not that I mind because he is holding me and my face is buried in his hair. Some massive explosion right now could blow us away, and all I would think is that this is a good way to die.  
  
"Look Heero, all of your life, people have used you as an object, as something to carry out their needs. The scientists and their cause used your skills and natural abilities, then drove out any of your humanity that they could. Even during the war, your humanity was thrown out the window because of the selfishness of others. Treize used you to carry out his plans and then you ended up being his beacon of hope. Zechs used you to carry his honor when he was losing his own. Then, there was Relena, willing to use a complete stranger as her strength. You were an object to these people, deprived your of wants and needs to carry out theirs. I only wanted to give you time to discover Heero Yuy and his needs."  
  
I snort softly into his neck. "Heero Yuy needs Duo Maxwell."  
  
"Hey, I'm sorry Heero, for staying away so long. I never heard from you so I didn't think you were ready for us yet. You know?"  
  
Following my deepest feelings, I pull my face from his neck and move my lips around to his. I kiss him very gently on his lips, taking my sweet time to express my happiness in seeing him. He is returning the soft pressure; we are sharing this moment together, our very first shared kiss. A tingling sensation runs from my lips all the way to my cock. So this is the simple joy of being aroused by love. My toes curl as the waves of erotic vibration course through my body. This is perfect.  
  
I end it by brushing a "Thank you." against his lips.  
  
Duo smiles at me, "For what?" His fingers and eyes are drawn to my lips.  
  
"For knowing what it truly means to love someone. For loving me; for leaving when it was so hard but for doing what was best. For jumping on a shuttle in this outfit just to make sure that I don't kill myself."  
  
Duo blushes. "Anything for you, Heero." He takes my hand and lifts it up. Then he flips my hand and presses his lips to the inside of my wrist. That one very light kiss could be felt throughout my entire body. I am fascinated how his simple actions can make my toes curl. "Now, since our friends are so focused on each other, why don't we do the same? We have so much catching up to do." He leers at me from over my hand. "So many things to try ."  
  
I swallow hard as I realize just what kind of things we will be trying; there is so much for me to learn. I wouldn't do such things with anyone but Duo.   
  
Duo jumped up, "Hey Heero, lets go on a trip. Just you and me! Lets go back to the Ren Faire! We'll pick out an outfit for you and everything!"  
  
I know my eyes were bugging out of my head as I eyed his outfit again. "You want me to dress like that?"  
  
Duo turns toward the bathroom door and peeks back over his shoulder, "Naw, you couldn't carry it off!"  
  
I know that he is teasing, but I just up after him anyway watching him disappear. "If you can, I can!" I ran into the bathroom and look around, I don't see Duo.  
  
Then I hear the bathroom door shut behind me. I spin around to find Duo leaning against it, pinning me with a grin as he locks it.  
  
I am now trapped in a bathroom with Duo Maxwell. The man who is about to shed all of his clothes and get into the shower, absolutely naked.  
  
Oops... there go my toes again...


	5. Chapter 5

_Love is like a storm. It is fresh and cleansing. It is natural and essential. It is powerful and fulfilling and nothing can get in its way._   
\- Lovers Oracle

He takes my hand.  
  
Such a simple gesture, but for me, it means so much.   
  
Under the twinkling stars of the night sky and strings of lantern lights, we dance slowly in each other's arms. His loving touch and the way that his eyes never leave mine tell me all that I will ever need to know.   
  
Even here at the RenFest, surrounded by so many people, he is not afraid to show the world how he feels about me. I was nervous when we first got here. I know how hateful the world can be when true love does not fit into the small minded childish view of what love "should" be.  
  
But as Duo says, "Fuck them! We are better; we soar in love's grace while they have chained themselves to petty thinking. Let them wallow in the muck while we fly on the wings of loving angels."   
  
He has such a way with words.   
  
"Gods, but you are the most precious thing in the world to me."  
  
The memory of Duo's words warms my very soul.   
  
His very eyes say it every time he looks at me.  
  
Duo loves me.   
  
He truly loves me, for what I am, good or bad. And that in itself makes our love more than what most people share. Love is not changing a person or making them out to be what you want, but accepting them without reserve. Only Duo has ever treated me that way.   
  
And my love for Duo flows just as deep.  
  
Not that our life is perfect. No, my Duo and I disagree at times, but we work from a foundation of inner strength and eternal faith in each other. We know that no matter what, we will stand side by side, hand in hand, without hesitation. We are not perfect, but our love and shared soul are, completely untainted by our flawed mortal beings.  
  
A million life times together or apart change nothing to this fact.  
  
The night is so full and clear and my heart sings with the soft wind.   
  
Everything about Duo makes my heart feel this way; with him, I am free to be myself.  
  
So why do so many people hate the fact that we are together? We always have been and always will be. We are the best for each other; anyone who loves us knows this.  
  
But I guess that is the bottom line, those who love us respect what we share and what we are to each other. We have Trowa and Quatre, Wufei and Zechs; all of us stand together in a circle of unbroken strength. In a world that hates homosexuals, we are there for each other.  
  
As it should be.  
  
What a shame it would be if we turned against each other. But we will not. Our love is too important to treat like a game.  
  
And those others simply do not matter.  
  
So we move around the dance floor with the other couples, lovers among lovers. In this place where our love can be expressed without fear, there are many couples like us. It is so good to see.  
  
We are dressed in our RenFest finery. Duo is wearing his outrageous bard costume of dark gray and purple, bells on his codpiece and all. I am in an Elven archer outfit that Duo wanted me to have; it is leather armor of deep brown and green with cut leather leaf shapes.   
  
Of course, I am wearing a codpiece as well. Duo is so naughty! He kept going out and finding a new and bigger piece, claiming loudly that there was nothing large enough to contain "me". And each time that he returned, he would nuzzle and kiss my cock through the thin material, which did make it difficult to find a good fit.  
  
Duo likes the way that I look, but there is no way that I look as beautiful as he does in his outfit. By the Gods, the man is gorgeous!   
  
We continue to dance, gazing into each other's eyes; the world simply falls away.  
  
We are lovers, but we have not . um .   
  
I blush even thinking about it.   
  
Duo smirks at me, obviously knowing where my thinking has drifted. He has been so wonderful with me; he knows that we need to move slowly into intimacy.  
  
We lean into each other at the same time, sharing a soft kiss as we continue to dance.   
  
So far, we have only shared loving touches and kisses.  
  
And Duo seems to be obsessed with my ass. Not that this is a bad thing! He loves to have me lay across his lap as he caresses and covers my ass with feather kisses. I swear that he can do this for hours.   
  
But this night we move beyond that, to explore new ways to express our love.  
  
Duo brushes my ear with his lips, "Are you ready?"  
  
I am very ready.  
  
My answer is to pull him from the dance floor.  
  
We head toward our gypsy wagon; Duo actually acquired one for us to stay in. Half way across the festival grounds, Duo pulls me to stop. I watch his eyes slowly move toward the heavens. "Heero, there is something we should do first, okay?" His voice sounds quiet.  
  
I nod. Whatever it is, it obviously means something important to Duo. Hand in hand, we walk to the gardens. He looks thoughtful, and I wonder what is going through his head.  
  
We approach the ivy chapel hidden amongst the twisted and hanging vines. It is small for a place of worship, but large for a garden structure. There are a few support pieces of fallen wood. But the walls and overhead roof are covered with nothing but ivy, a holy place of nature.   
  
There are four rows of benches and a wooden platform at the far end. An altar stands at the far end, covered with various pieces from all faiths and candles. Even though there are a few lit petition candles, the chapel is empty.  
  
This place has such a strong feel of the sacred; I am in silent awe.   
  
We walk together toward the front. Duo releases my hand and I watch him move to the altar. He takes a glass votive from a basket and lights one, he places it on the wooden surface with the others.  
  
He comes back to my side and lowers himself to his knees. I watch him release his hair from his braid and lower his head in silent prayer.  
  
I am stunned by the ethereal looking love of mine. The few candles glow and the moonlight from above pours through the ivy, he looks like an angel. He is so beautiful and pure.  
  
His visage renders me weak, I slowly lower myself, on my knees next to him, our shoulders touching. My fingers reach out, I take a few strands of his silken tresses between my fingers, bringing them to my lips to kiss in reverence.  
  
He is perfect, my beloved Duo.  
  
I watch him in our silence as he prays; for what, I am not certain.  
  
After a few minutes, he raises his head once again, seemingly gazing at the moon through the ivy. He speaks softly. "I want you to know how much I love you."   
  
"I love you too." My words meant only for his ears. In this place, it seemed wrong to speak in a full voice.  
  
He turns his face to mine, "I pledge my love to you, forever."  
  
I take his hand and raise it to my waiting lips, whispering a kiss across his fingers. "Forever, Duo, I pledge my love. You are in my heart and soul, where no one else will ever be. "  
  
He quivers slightly as he opens his other hand; we both look down. He holds two simple rings of gold.   
  
Without a word, I take one and place it carefully on his finger, as his hand that still rests in mine.   
  
He leans forward and kisses my ear as he takes my hand into his. My face is draped in his hair when I feel him slip the other ring onto my finger.   
  
Duo kisses my ear, then my cheek; finally his lips come around to meet mine. He is so gentle: I part my lips to deepen our joining. Our tongues softly caress each other.  
  
We meld into one another, our mouths and bodies pressed together. There is no denying the rising heat that we feel. A moan rumbles in my throat as I feel Duo's hands slide over my ass. He pulls my hips forward, grinding his codpiece against mine . my toes curl.  
  
Oh Gods! What he does to me!  
  
The need for air becomes urgent. Reluctantly we end our kiss. It is time to go, before we consummate our love right here in this sacred place.  
  
Hand in hand, we run out of the chapel and to our awaiting gypsy wagon.  
  
Anticipation runs high as I wonder what new delights Duo has in store for me.  
  
+

Like a gift for the immortal God of Sensuality, Duo slowly removes each piece of my clothing. The fact that he is already nude only reaffirms his status as a deity. His touch is like the fire of life, coursing through me at such depths that I am rendered completely silent. There is nothing in the universe except for the perfection of male looking down at me.  
  
His eyes draw me into their depths, his soul wraps lovingly around mine. I am completely immersed in his very being.  
  
I can hear him purr softly as my skin is uncovered, for his eyes only. Only Duo.  
  
And as I lay upon this bed, my hands grip the velvet covering as my mind struggles to will my breath in and out of my body.  
  
In and out . there sparks a craving deep within myself. Undeniable. The eternal need of my soul to be at one with its mate; I long to fill and be filled by him.   
  
My Duo.  
  
He leans forward, letting his loose hair drape over me. With my top long gone, disappearing quickly between fevered kisses, his hair teases my bare skin. He whispers sweet words into my ear. "I have waited for one year to see you in this outfit, and now all I want is to see you out of it."   
  
I feel his lips turn to a smirk against my cheek as his hand slides down and casually slips into my leather leggings, behind the codpiece. He wraps those slim fingers around my passion heavy cock; his grip is firm and sure.   
  
My entire body shudders as his hand strokes me; I need Duo's loving touch. I envision his beauty beneath me as I make love to him, the primal screams surging forth from us. Lifetime after lifetime, it is so. Flashes of our other selves, immersed in blissful union, burst through my mind.  
  
It is terrifying and comforting at the same time.  
  
I feel him move lower, kissing my stomach, easing the codpiece out of his way. The cool silken strands of his hair trailing down my body, following the path of his kisses. Duo's hand effortlessly works the fasteners on the heavy leather leggings, and then he slides the garment off of me.  
  
As he looks down on me, I see nothing but sheer love in his eyes; he makes me feel so perfect. With him, I am so loved and adored, a treasure of the body, mind, and soul.   
  
My eyes focus on his lips, full and red, parted with intense desire. His tongue slowly traces his lips. There are so many delights that I wish to experience involving that wonderful tongue.  
  
I reach out toward him, silently expressing my body's need of his. A light blush tints his cheeks as Duo moves into my arms.  
  
We feel so much when we come together like this. Our bodies intertwine as one, legs and arms curling around each other. All of our barriers are shed, no clothes or masks, bare to the core.  
  
We share such a joy of innocence, not of body, but emotions. This is perfect and feels so pure of heart. When I think of the horrors of our parentless childhoods, cruel training, and bitter war, we deserve these moments of happiness.   
  
My Duo and I will never be normal as society sees it, but we find our bliss in the best way possible, with each other.   
  
I gently pull Duo closer, pressing my lips to his own. Such a simple act, but truly the most powerful and profound of intimacies. I would never share this with any other than Duo; it would feel... dirty.   
  
Our kiss grows deeper as does our need. I know this feeling, as familiar as breathing, the tingling warmth that spreads through my body. My toes curl as my body begins to quiver.   
  
His fingers lightly graze over my chest as I realize that I am flat against the mattress. My Duo is smiling down on me, showing me in every way just how much I mean to him. There is nothing fake or false between us, just an open healthy honesty and respect.  
  
Pushing my hair from my face as he nibbles playfully at my lips. "I want you Heero."  
  
We have moved slowly through our intimacies, savoring each step instead of jumping feet first into the deep end. But now . this feels so right.  
  
I nod my understanding; I want him too. My mind is not really certain what he has planned, but I am willing to do anything.  
  
Duo slides down my body once again, placing loving kisses on my cock. My hands are shaking as they weave into his hair. I want more, of what, I am not sure. My cock aches, the throbbing like a pulse.   
  
He takes my hands from his hair and guides them to my straining hardness. I practically scream; it is his touch that I want.   
  
Then I feel his head moving even lower, pushing my thighs wide. My hand takes a natural course, stroking myself as I feel his lips gently caressing the soft skin of my inner thighs. Duo's moans as he pushes my legs up and as far apart as they will go, exposing me fully.  
  
Duo loves my ass.  
  
He tells me often, especially as he places kisses there. I feel his tongue teasing around before gently brushing flat over my entrance. Every fiber of my being screams in ecstasy.   
  
I want more. His tongue wiggles inside as my hand grips firmly on my cock, stroking myself hard.   
  
Yes, everything about me is beautiful; Duo does everything he can to show me just how precious I am to him. He loves me so much.  
  
"I love you Duo."  
  
The words spill helplessly from my mouth. My mind is barely coherent now and I feel myself getting close to release.  
  
Duo must realize this too as he quickly removes his tongue from my ass and uses his hands to stop mine.  
  
"Wait... " he whispers to me.  
  
I gaze up at him, knowing that this is the moment. He is looking down at me, his hair falling around our faces. Great Gods, he is so beautiful.   
  
A cold wetness closes over my raging hardness as I notice Duo's hands are behind him. He is rubbing lubricant on me.  
  
My confusion must show since he smiles reassuringly at me.   
  
Duo moves forward a little, coming closer to my face. My cock feels something pressing against its tip. He purrs as he slowly impales himself on my cock. I can feel every inch moving over me, "You are so mine!" he hisses as I am taken completely into his body.  
  
I can feel the shaking in my body swiftly building into a roar. I had no idea that he would claim me like this. Everything closes around us as I throw my head back in a silent scream.   
  
Duo pulls up slightly and I shake my head furiously, I want to stay in. My cock thrusts up just as he slides back down, riding me.  
  
Riding me hard.  
  
He leans forward, brushing his lips to mine. "I can feel it Heero. Do it, do it with me."  
  
I nod, I am aware of the approaching tides. Waves of crashing ecstasy hovering over us, we are balancing on the edge of eternity.  
  
"Now!" he screams in my awaiting mouth. His body is slamming onto mine as I let go. "Now... "  
  
We both fall over the edge, screaming out each other's names. I feel my soul burst forward, meeting Duo's in a melding of spiritual union.  
  
The waves descend upon us, through us, sending Duo and I spiraling together. We feel everything about each other and nothing beyond. All time stands still as we float, a single joined soul in the loving hands of God.   
  
My breath forces me back into my body, I wasn't even sure when I left. Duo has collapsed on me, his release on my stomach and chest. We are quite messy; we don't care.  
  
His hand gently caresses my arm. "You okay?" he asks, almost tentative.  
  
I wrap my arms around him, pulling him tight to my body. "Thank you, Duo."  
  
He smiles against my neck. We both know that I am thanking him for everything.  
  
As long as we are at each other's side, facing life hand in hand and treating each other with respect, there is nothing that we cannot conquer.   
  
Even the biting silence.   
  
~ end


End file.
